Neurodiversity resilience, or are you talking about capability and capacity?

Do we truly understand what we mean when we say ‘resilience’?

It is a term bandied about the neurodiversity community like confetti. We are resilient people because… That [difficult] situation built resilience in me… This [hard] time is testament to my true resilience. 

What we actually are saying is

I have learned to battle through, regardless of the impact this will have on my wellbeing. 

This is not the actual meaning of the word. 

Resilience is the ability to withstand or recover from hard times, situations and experiences. Not our ability to keep going at all costs.

I for one, have battelled through the shizzle the universe has thrown at me. I have the scars, war-stories and medals to prove it. It makes me a tough cookie, sure. It does not make me resilient. 

When we use the word resilience in this sense it is used in honour or celebration of being able to keep going. Through all adversity. We. Just. Struggle. On. Must. Keep. Moving…

There are times when tenacity is necessary. Life throws curve balls and we need to keep going. But for many neurodivergent people this is a life-long slog to “mask up, and keep up”. 

Ingrained into every neurodivergent human is the capability to summon up all the power from our energy biscuits and stretch this resource to it’s absolute limits. Even taking biscuits out on loan with the promise of paying them back some day. 

We have a learned ability (, a capability) to keep going. 

We are not resilient because we rarely give ourselves permission to resile and recover. Until our bodies whack us over the head with a nice bout of burn-out. 

And then we stop. 

To the outside world this can look like underperformance at work, sick leave or simply putting our resignation in. And that costs businesses both in money, and happiness. 

Much written about neurodiversity is from an implied perspective that we are slaves to our difficulty. (I point to the millions of reels and posts “you know you are ND when [insert thing that goes wrong]). There is nothing we can do to alter or effect our lot in life [sighs]. Said through gritted teeth… “It is what it is”. 

I disagree. 

Lets look at is from a different angle- from capability and capacity. If we understand the inter-play between these two we begin to find a new way of looking at resilience. 

Throughout our lives neurodivergent people have developed complex, elaborate and well-developed coping strategies for living in everyday life. For many of us these are so honed we don’t even recognise the additional emotional and intellectual labour done daily. (not least until we talk to other people). It is not even a consideration that other people do not plan conversations in advance of meetings, or turn up 2 hours early for fear of being 1 minute late. 

We have an unbelievable capability to overcome almost any hurdle. This muscle is strong because it is well exercised… because we have had to use it every day, for all the days. 

The variable in whether these coping strategies are effective is our capacity.

I like to use energy biscuits rather than spoons, as I like biscuits more than spoons. (Except when I am using a spoon to shove biscuits in my face hole.) And I can stretch the analogy further. 

Every day we have a number of biccies in the barrel. Energy biscuit capacity depends on how many tasks these biscuits are spread between. Some days (when we have slept well, remembered to eat, and have few tasks demanding our attention) we have a good number to dish out to whatever the day brings… others, (when the cat needs to go to the vet, there is a project due, and you need to go to the supermarket) there are just burnt crumbs. 

It is this varying capacity which impacts on our ability to draw on our capability to turn up in the world as we want to. (and as our employers want us to.)

The thing is… 

The number of biscuits in the barrel is not set or fixed. We can bake more. We can make a choice not to use biscuits on things that do not bring us joy, or move us forward in our dreams. 

We can replenish the barrel. 

In doing this we increase our capacity to show up in the world. Giving us greater chance of using that well defined muscle of capability.

But. 

This means doing self-care…

Self-care is often a properly neglected tool in our toolbox of capability. We simply have not given ourselves time or the compassion to practice looking after ourselves… after all- we should have the resilience to keep going… 

It takes time to develop the capability of self-care. To be able to become truly resilient. Which in turn grows capacity (puts more biscuits in the barrel). 

It is possible. 

No word of a lie- it takes time, and patience… and support.

A good starting point is to shift our language. To move from talking about resilience of a workforce or person, and to start asking about capacity and capability. 

Because any problem in a business comes down to these two things- Do I have the capacity (energy biscuits) to deal with the things required of me, or do I need to develop my capability (tools and resources). 

So if you are sitting with a person who is struggling… A good first question is What is needed right now? 

Do you need some increased capacity?

Or 

Do you need to develop some new capabilities?

This is not a chicken and egg situation. If a person is not sure- give them capacity... space or support to replenish their biscuit barrel. 

The result of shifting with this one simple question is that you help people (and therefore your businesses) develop true resilience. Becuase it doesn't matter when're you start... as long as you do. 

#Resilience #DesignThinking #Neurodiversity #InclusiveDesign